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Je veux être la fille avec la plupart de gâteau. Regardez-moi dans la glace.
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10 December 2007


Wink (I Shot Myself)

It is so cold where I live that I'm committing a fashion faux-pas that would mortify my friend Katy (who, let's be clear, lives in TEXAS): I'm wearing a sweater-on-sweater ensemble. In the house. If it gets much colder I'll go for the scarf and hat and fingerless gloves look. I'm thinking ski lodge in Vermont, mmmkay?

I like my bedroom to be cool to avoid that "omg, I'm fucking in a sauna" thing that happens when Kelly and I have sex, and I don't mind the rest of the house at 73 64 degrees, unless I'm sitting at the computer writing. Because, even looking at pictures like this one, my toes are cold.

Aw, lookit Sequoia! She's like a little nymph on the mossy forest floor with her winky eye and grin. See, this is the stuff I like: cute girls with normal bodies and sass. Did I just say "sass?" I think I did. Anyway, this girl makes me hot. Also, hello, Freckles.

More incentive to go back to bed and warm things up under the covers, yeah?

06 December 2007


How 'Bout You Suck My Dick

Yesterday I was chatting with Audacia about blowjobs and I'd like your opinions on something.

Do you think cocksucking is a more intimate act than fucking?

I'm not talking about if you're in seventh grade and you're sucking some kid's dick in the back of the auditorium after school in an effort to preserve your virginity. In fact, what are you doing here if you're in seventh grade? Get out! Go to a Hannah Montana concert or something.

But if you're an adult, who has adult relationships, do you consider giving head to be a big deal or not? Personally, I do. When I'm going down on a guy, I want him to feel lucky because I've chosen to be there. Let's be honest, sucking dick is not only an art, done well, it is serious work. Work that I absolutely enjoy, and could do for a very very very long time, but only because I am good at it and confident in my abilities and certain about the cock I am about to stick down my throat.

I'm much more likely to sleep with a guy before putting his cock into my mouth, burying my face in his pubes and tonguing his balls. First off, if you're a guy and you have a gnarly smell in the genital region, I will walk. I can't ignore it, and even if my gag reflex is trained to withstand the ever-earnest advances of a dickhead rubbing past it, a gnarly pube smell will set it off and cause me to hurl. All over your fine self.

Secondly, I like to know how a guy gets off: preferred speed and rhythm and stroke length and such. The only way for me to know for sure is either to fuck you or watch while you jerk off. And let's face it, some of you have serious performance anxiety when a girl says she wants to watch you wank. Oh, you say it's hot, but not many of you can unabashedly get yourselves off under the unwavering (Judging! Measuring! Comparing!) eyes of a girl you're trying hard to impress.

For whatever reason, fellatio is more intimate to me than straight-up intercourse. There is a definite discrepancy in the division of labor, and I must really like you if I'm spending time researching your fucking and masturbatory skills, because I must want to blow your freaking mind when I finally blow your meat.

Sure, fucking can be very intimate--with intent stares and unspoken oaths uniting partners in a magical love for all eternity--but it can also be just fucking. Cocksucking (or pussylicking, for that matter) isn't as flexible. It's your head and your partner's bits, with occasional "hey, I really love doing this" eye contact and petite, appreciative moans. Some of that you can fake. But you can't fake nice-smelling pubes or uncooperative gag reflexes. Giving head is about giving: hard to do when you're feeling uncharitable toward someone, but so rewarding when you've done it well. So cocksucking done well, at the proper time and with the proper penis, can be even more satisfying to me than inserting Cock A into Cunt B.

Just an observation. Feel free to commiserate, chastise and deride in the comments.

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