Wednesday Wank: The Screaming Octopus

You know, I'm not much for the whole tentacle sex thing.

I mean, I dig that there are folks who get off on having their orifices penetrated by real or simulated cephalopods, I'm just not one of them.

The Screaming Octopus from VibeReview might have changed my mind about the use of invertebrates as pervertables. I mean, look at it! It's so cute! And who can resist a toy with that name? Not me, and that's why I tried it out last week with Kelly.

The idea is simple enough: a smallish bullet that runs on two watch batteries and is covered in a soft rubber octopus body, complete with eight splaying arms. Press the button on top et voila--a superfast buzz that sounds a bit like a mosquito. The shape of the octopus is perfect for surrounding a nipple, which is what I ended up doing a lot with Kelly while he was jerking off for me.

Another "I'm so glad someone thought of this" feature is the handy strap up top (Not pictured, but it's there), which allows the user to control where the vibe goes, without touching the motor with his or her fingers, thus keeping the vibrations strong and right where they should be. I dragged that thing across Kelly's nipples, balls and perineum, and he called it "nice." This is high praise, since when he totally wants to jump my bones he says he "wouldn't mind" fucking.

The Screaming Octopus is, as you might expect, waterproof. (Thank goodness, or its little arms would get all shriveled having to stay dry all the time!) Naturally, I took it for a leisurely swim dans le bain later that night.

Me likey.

The Screaming Octopus has, I think, found a home in my shower; to be produced at regular intervals when making out or making looove. The soft rubber is easy to clean, and the hummingbird-fast vibrations are a nice change from deeper, more intense frequencies you'll find in larger products. This is not an "if you must buy only one vibrator, buy this one" toy; the vibrations are, in my opinion, less than ideal for pure wankage, you can't put it inside your body, and it's only got one speed.

But as an accessory? As a nipple/clit/bum stimulator? It's sweet and lovely and I totally want to give one to all my girlfriends.

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