Wednesday Wank: The Flex A Pleasure

My, oh, my.

When I saw the Flex A Pleasure, I thought, "Well, this should be interesting."

I was right.

Given my love for bullet vibes and simultaneous G-Spot + clit stimulation, it seemed a perfect match. The Flex A Pleasure, made by that renowned institution of sex toy manufacturers, Doc Johnson, is basically two bullet vibes connected by a small, flexible piece of plastic tubing. Each bullet obviously has its own motor, but the pair are controlled by a single dial.

See? Simple.

Did I mention it's waterproof? Um, it's waterproof.

Now, I don't really NEED another bullet vibrator, but I'd like to find ONE that actually fits my particular shape. I've yet to find a rabbit (or beaver or dolphin) vibe that lines up with my parts, and that's what impressed me about the Flex A Pleasure: The customization factor.

I whipped out the Flex A when Kelly and I met for an afternoon rendezvous last week. He looked suitably impressed and not at all threatened, as sometimes happens with those huge vibrators that tend to make men feel smallish. Nope, he whistled, flashed me a grin and took hold of the connecting tube.

I'm more of a sensation gal than a size queen, so the fact that there was no discernible shaft wasn't an issue; if you like to be filled and stretched by your vibes, this is probably not for you. But here's what got me: Kelly was holding it inside me, pushed up against my g-spot, and I took the other end and bent it up to my clit.

Yeah, it was like Tag-Team Coming.

THEN, we discovered the most impressive (in my opinion, natch) use of the Flex A Pleasure: Kelly pulled it out of me and fucked me while I held the other end on my clit...from seven inches away. Think about it: when you're banging and you need a little extra bump, you reach for your little bullet vibe, right? Except that you've got to hold your hand and wrist there--in the space where your sweetie is slamming into you--or else you don't get off. That can get a little tricky, especially when you try to reposition your legs.

So, by holding the Flex A Pleasure by one bullet and straightening the connector, you can stimulate your clit with the other and not have any impediments to good old-fashioned banging.

Overall, I give the Flex A Pleasure three out of five stars, purely for personal, subjective reasons: 1. It uses a size N battery. Who has those on hand when stuff runs down? 2. It's made of plastic and jelly. It's a very thin coating of jelly, which makes me wonder why it's there in the first place, and my uber-sensitive nose could smell it. Unforch.

I love that it's waterproof, though, and the control knob is studded with little rubber grips so you don't lose control completely mid-wank. That's a nice touch. Also, it's pretty powerful, and comes in pretty colors, too. Naturally, mine is pink.

Maybe better suited to me would be the Slimline G Twin; it's made of hard plastic, with no smelly jelly.

I think I will still use the Flex A Pleasure, though, because I totally want to use it as a butt toy, and tossing a condom on the plastic bullet and warming up pre-buttseks sounds like a hole lotta fun.

Order at VibeReview through November 4 and save 10% with this coupon!

Wednesday Wank: The Screaming Octopus

You know, I'm not much for the whole tentacle sex thing.

I mean, I dig that there are folks who get off on having their orifices penetrated by real or simulated cephalopods, I'm just not one of them.

The Screaming Octopus from VibeReview might have changed my mind about the use of invertebrates as pervertables. I mean, look at it! It's so cute! And who can resist a toy with that name? Not me, and that's why I tried it out last week with Kelly.

The idea is simple enough: a smallish bullet that runs on two watch batteries and is covered in a soft rubber octopus body, complete with eight splaying arms. Press the button on top et voila--a superfast buzz that sounds a bit like a mosquito. The shape of the octopus is perfect for surrounding a nipple, which is what I ended up doing a lot with Kelly while he was jerking off for me.

Another "I'm so glad someone thought of this" feature is the handy strap up top (Not pictured, but it's there), which allows the user to control where the vibe goes, without touching the motor with his or her fingers, thus keeping the vibrations strong and right where they should be. I dragged that thing across Kelly's nipples, balls and perineum, and he called it "nice." This is high praise, since when he totally wants to jump my bones he says he "wouldn't mind" fucking.

The Screaming Octopus is, as you might expect, waterproof. (Thank goodness, or its little arms would get all shriveled having to stay dry all the time!) Naturally, I took it for a leisurely swim dans le bain later that night.

Me likey.

The Screaming Octopus has, I think, found a home in my shower; to be produced at regular intervals when making out or making looove. The soft rubber is easy to clean, and the hummingbird-fast vibrations are a nice change from deeper, more intense frequencies you'll find in larger products. This is not an "if you must buy only one vibrator, buy this one" toy; the vibrations are, in my opinion, less than ideal for pure wankage, you can't put it inside your body, and it's only got one speed.

But as an accessory? As a nipple/clit/bum stimulator? It's sweet and lovely and I totally want to give one to all my girlfriends.

Order at VibeReview through November 4 and save 10% with this coupon!

Wednesday Wank: The VibeReview Silver Bullet

When I’m stressed out, when I don’t want to work too hard, or when straight-up banging with a partner just isn’t quite getting me there, there’s one toy I’ve been reaching for consistently for years: The Silver Bullet.

I’ve gone through several incarnations, from double bullets to cyberskin-coated flicky bullets, to bullets whose controllers glowed in the dark, but one fact has remained: The bullet is one of the least expensive, most sure-fire masturbatory aids I’ve ever had the pleasure of convulsing around.

The design is simple; straightforward. There are no variable pulsation patterns or glowy switches, just a simple bullet connected to a slim plastic controller with an easy-to-work-even-if-you’re-having-issues-focusing heart-shaped slider. The best feature of the Silver Bullet, in my opinion, is the fully adjustable speed. I like not being stuck with one or the other, and the easy, one-handed operation means no fuss when I need a little less buzz.

Use it on its own for a leisurely, cliterrific roll in bed, or pair it with an insertable dong or vibe for fully adjustable, mind-blowing stimulation likely to result in a well-deserved nap.

In my other role as a sex advisor for all my friends and countless others on the innerwebs, I recommend this toy over and again. There are no worries about parts lining up, as some of us have experienced with rabbit-type vibes, and you can use it on girls and boys alike. Technically, you’re not supposed to put it up your butt, but I’ve been known to throw a condom on one and stick it into a boy while I’m blowing him. Two tips: Keep a hold on the condom, and never pull it out by the cord. You don’t want to expose the copper wire that runs into the motor end of the bullet.

At least, um, that’s what I’ve heard. Zing!

Also, since it is so reliable and simple and easy to keep inside a pillowcase, I tend to use this toy for long periods of wanking and I’ve found that I need to switch the bullet from left to right and back to avoid the dreaded Clawhand. You know what I’m talking about.

The Silver Bullet is a pretty universal accoutrement, and as such will get you virtually NO stares (let alone bag searches) at airport security. Just remember to turn the batteries around, or your carry-on might give the dude sitting in front of you the Best. Plane. Ride. Ever.