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Je veux être la fille avec la plupart de gâteau. Regardez-moi dans la glace.
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26 September 2007


These Cucumber Eyes

Imogen Heap tells me "it's good to be in love."

I'm not so sure.

It's hard to be in love. Like this, when things are so easy and honest, and the only real obstacles are money and geography.

Those are big obstacles, but in the scheme of things, less troubling than never being less than 2500 miles apart.

I walk in New York, which is becoming more mine with every visit, and I am happy. I walk with Jefferson and Lillie to shop for new speakers for his new computer. We walk side by side in the supermarket and unanimously veto Lillie's request for Cocoa Krispies cereal.

I walk by myself, never get lost in the subway, and feel sweet autumn evening breezes on my skin. The lady in front of me at Filene's Basement passes me her coupon to use, the shoe salesman at TipTop professes his love at first sight and flirts, saying that, for someone with a face like mine, he'd make the shoes if they didn't have my size.

I tell Jefferson that story when I return to his apartment with my new shoes. I love that he thinks it's as funny as I do, and then we dress up and go to a swanky dinner with tables and a seating chart and later the man I'm seated next to, clearly smitten, tells Jefferson that he should really bring me back to the city more often. I love that my boyfriend doesn't hesitate to tell me things like that and that we can be high on knowing how good we obviously are together.

And it at once amuses and depresses me that one of his colleagues introduces us to her husband as "Jefferson and his wife, Madeline."

Afterwards she says she's sure she'll see me around the school that, as it turns out, her son and our Jefferson's son Jason both attend. Um.

Walking in New York I see kids riding in those strollers with room for two or three–kids shelved underneath and behind each other and standing on little platforms above the wheels–or running around with their nannies at playgrounds and I wonder whether mine would totally hate it. I try to imagine us living in the city, and sometimes I can. It excites me to think about the opportunities they'd have here. I want to bring them for a visit. And I secretly hope they'd think that living here would be awesome.

I know how difficult the city can be. Unfortunately, I am also in love with it. I have to figure out a way to rectify those things, because you can't just forget about something that's become part of who you are. Just because it's hard. Just because there are easier ways to live. Because this tears-streaming-as-my-flight-takes-off thing? So upsetting.

As it turns out, the tears-streaming-mid-flight thing isn't so great, either.

I don't like it.

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Blogger Lolita said...

OMG! That would be so cool if you moved to NYC! Really really really.

I was thinking of you yesterday (in between all of my craziness).

Blogger Madeline Glass said...

Sweet, I was thinking about you, too!
I'm really sorry we missed each other this time.

Blogger Viviane said...

How wonderful we all got to spend some time together, my darling.

Blogger Bridget said...

Yeah, that dude and his kids kind of get under your skin, don't they? ;)

It's funny, I've lived around here all my life and I never loved NYC as much until I met them too.

Come back soon!

Anonymous Goldslut said...

I know that tears on the plane jag all too well. C and I were long distance for a year and a half. Then he moved to New York...

Blogger srchngformystry said...

im crying along with you because for as long as ive been reading yours and jeffersons blog, i keep hoping you guys would finallly make it official.

im a hopeless romantic.

Blogger Selena Kitt said...

That long distance thing is so hard... :(

Blogger libby said...

i love that song. she wrote it after watching her favorite boy fall in love with someone else again.

Blogger Alice said...

Oh Madeline, everyone can make it in new york if they try. Sorry to hear that leaving the city is so painful.

Blogger Meg said...

i may be new to the game and all, but i gotta say...i ain't so sure, either. from what i can tell, it mostly just blows.


so just get here already, would you? here being the east coast, as in a way cheaper train ticket away, as opposed to a much more expensive plane ticket away.

i know, i know.


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