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Je veux être la fille avec la plupart de gâteau. Regardez-moi dans la glace.
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22 June 2005


Wishful Thinking

At four o'clock I was officially divorced.

At four-thirty, Bella and I were eating banana splits to celebrate. I went home after that to shower and revel in my new status.

By ten-thirty Maya and I were alone at the pub. We had gone with another friend to dinner at our favorite Thai place, then walked over to the bar for drinks outside on the sidewalk. Kat was meeting her boyfriend at the theatre, so she left about 9:30. Maya and I finished our drinks and left.

On the walk back to Maya's place, she stopped in the middle of the street and said, "Oh, my God, Madeline. Look at the moon!"

Huge. Bright. Round.


I gasped.

"Maya... I was MARRIED on the full moon."

"Fuck! And you just got DIVORCED on the full moon. AND the Solstice."

"This is so fucking perfect. This is the perfect symbol. I'm like the moon: Ripe for change. Full of potential. Influential. I'd better be careful what I wish for tonight."

We walked the last block in silence. We spent the next two hours drinking and smoking on her porch. Around midnight, I gathered my wits and my strength and drove home.

Marcus and I had spoken a couple weeks ago about how I really should have a friend come with me to court for the divorce. It isn't exactly something one does every day, and certainly not a lot of fun. We decided that it would be poor form for him to come, as my boyfriend.

Later, that same night, I had mentioned my friend project to Jefferson.

"Marcus thinks that it wouldn't look good for him to be there. You don't bring your boyfriend to your divorce hearing. Too bad, though, wouldn't you say? It could be a lot of fun!"

"Well, if BOTH your boyfriends showed up, and wore matching t-shirts and held hands in the front row, it wouldn't look so bad. We'd have 'em all hoodwinked."

I related this to Marcus. He cracked up.

Now, walking through my front door I am reminded of the hour time difference which separates us.

Jefferson is hosting a gathering tonight; the perfect way to commemorate my divorce, I said, when earlier in the day I told him I'd be on the next flight.

Marcus has his kids and is probably asleep at this hour, since they usually get up early.

The whole evening feels vaguely anticlimactic.

I decide to risk it and dial Marcus's number anyway. He answers.

"Hi, baby."

"Hey, I just wanted to hear your voice before I go to sleep."

"Did you go out with the girls?"

"I had a lovely time. And I'm a little drunk. But I am happy."

"I'm happy for you. I miss you."

"I miss you, too. And I am going to sleep in tomorrow. My kids are with their dad. I'm getting into bed now."

"Let's talk tomorrow, then. I have to get the kids up early. Congratulations, sweetheart. I wish I was there."

"'night, Marcus. Me, too."


Anonymous marcus said...

and i still do.

Blogger ~ Storm said...

Congratulations on your single status return. I went to my divorce (court date) alone also, as we had presigned the papers and even my ex didn't show up. Well, I didn't want him to show up because I was afraid I would get emotional and he would think (erroneously) that I was upset over divorcing HIM. I was first on the docket and the whole thing took 10 minutes. Two hours later I had changed my license, my bank account, my social security card and was back home. Weird that 17 years of marriage could be put away in 10 minutes. But then I celebrated and I used to run into people who looked at me a little strange, waiting for some sign that they should be as happy for me as I was for myself.

Blogger Madeline Glass said...

thanks for the comment, and the link, a.s.!

marcus. sigh.


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