Both Sides, Now

I stood and took his hand when the credits rolled, leading him to the bedroom. I lit candles and set an album to play while he sat in the chair and watched.

I undressed, loving the feeling of being naked in flickering candlelight, knowing he was watching the shadows playing on my body. I stood fully nude in front of him.

He stood and took my hands. He brought them to his chest, between us, and kissed me.

"I love you very much."

I smiled.

"I know. I love you, too."

"Are you ready?"

I nodded, shaking.

"Turn and face the bed. Spread your legs. Bend forward...that's it."

My eyes were already closed. I was half gone and he hadn't even touched me.

"Daniel, Jefferson. Jefferson, Daniel," I made hasty introductions as Miles and Jack climbed all over Jefferson and Daniel and I switched carseats and overnight bags from his rental to my car. The men nodded and shook hands. Daniel was as nervous as he'd been the day of our divorce. Jefferson was cool.

My ass and the backs of my legs were warm. I felt his hands grabbing flesh, pulling and slapping. I raised myself onto the balls of my feet, jutting my ass out, arching my back, "More."

We watched as Daniel pulled away, deciding that on such a fine Monday in February, when the mercury stood at 74 degrees, we really should take advantage. We walked to the park, joining the dozens of kids and their parents out enjoying the weather. Jefferson and I sat in the grass, watching the boys as they climbed and played. We laid back, my head on his stomach, looking up to keep track of Miles and Jack. Jack came over to tackle us, prompting Jefferson to press him up above his chest like an airplane. They both grinned madly. I took pictures.

I gasped as the big flogger slapped and stung my back. My ass was so hot. I squeezed my cunt around itself. My upper body was down on the mattress, arms outstretched to the sides, holding the covers and smiling. I heard the clink of his belt buckle and the soft thwapp of the leather as it was pulled free of his jeans.

The room was dark and the streetlight outside filtered through the wooden shade. I opened my eyes and turned to face forward. My body felt like it was glowing. I couldn't bring myself to touch my clit. I was paralyzed with anticipation.

My legs were shaking. I whimpered.

"Dad, Jefferson...Jefferson, Dad," I said as I made my way through the family room toward the kitchen for a snack for the boys. He'd met my mother on his second day. They were already pals. I'd warned Jefferson, as marcus had, about my father: Don't be concerned that he doesn't like you; he never talks to anyone, including his own children. Nearly 30 minutes into their conversation about my father's 62" flat-screen television with DLP and it was clear that Jefferson was an exception to that rule. My mother and I shared a look and she returned to reading Jack's favorite story, The Boy And The Tigers.

This was the second time I'd ever been beaten with a belt. The strap whooshed through the air and landed heavily on my right cheek, setting my brain on fire. My upper body tensed, and then relaxed with each successive smack.

The smile returned and as he stood behind me deeming which side was to be hit next. I was floating, sighing.

"Hey, Jefferson, would ya like some scotch?" My father was offering the man a drink? This was so cute I could hardly stand it. Jefferson looked at me and I nodded, mouthing, "Then we'll go." The kids were staying the night with their grandparents. Jefferson and I were going home to watch a movie and have rough sex.

I was laughing and tearing into the bedclothes. He was through beating me, but for a last Tucker Max-cum-James Bond smack on the rear.

And then a cool, slippery introduction.

Two of his fingers, lubed and pressing against my asshole.

Somehow I was still slightly coherent after the belt and I remember thinking, "Oh, thank god he's gonna fuck my ass."

I pushed back.

"Hey, Jack and Miles, we're going to say goodbye now."

The kids were watching a movie, which I paused as Jefferson sat down on the bed between them.

"Thanks for letting me play with your toys, and for showing me your park, we had fun today!"

"You're welcome," Miles said, craning his neck, mildly annoyed that I'd paused the video.

"You're welcome, poopy head!" Jack called out as he threw his arms around Jefferson's neck. Not to be outdone by the affections of his little brother, Miles tackled Jefferson from behind, yelling, "Ga-ga-goo-goo!"

"Alright, guys, behave for Nanny and Poppa tonight, okay? Momma and Jefferson are going to go. Give me sugar." I kissed and hugged them both and turned the video back on as we left the room. We said goodbye to my parents and walked outside to my car.

Jefferson looked up and gasped, "There are a million fucking stars here."

"I know."

I was on my toes, his cock in my ass, my fingers on my clit as he slowly moved in me.

"Move onto the bed," he said, pausing his thrusts to help me lift my leg onto the mattress and following me. I turned to face the footrail of my bed, grabbing it with both hands. He reached around and wet his fingers in my pussy. I rested my head on my hands. He straightened up and grabbed my hips. His cock was deep inside me and as he pushed and pulled and fucked me I felt the welts the belt had left on my skin. I felt the blood from the broken vessels forming the bruises which would remind me of that night for two weeks.

His balls bouncing off my cunt as we fucked felt insanely good. My clit was throbbing and ultra sensitive so each time they hit it, the shock reverberated through my body. Our rhythm ensured that the ripples didn't subside before the next wave started. I couldn't stand it anymore. I snaked my left hand under my body and began furiously rubbing my clit, wanting more of everything.

The room was teeming with sex. Breathing, grunting, swallowing, fucking. The dizzy dancing swirling tingle started to swell in my cunt.

I reached back with my right hand and touched his leg, pulling him close, slowing him down, making him stop inside me, his pulsing cock filling me.

I continued circling my clit, slower, letting the shudder build and putting my forehead on the mattress, breathing and relaxing. My legs were trembling and I came. My body seized and shot forward and my head slammed into the footrail. Despite my hand on his leg, my orgasm pushed Jefferson's cock from my ass.

"You have Sonic Burger?! I love Sonic Burger!"

"Then that's what we're having for dinner," I said, pulling into the lot and driving up to a space, "I'm going to get a bacon cheeseburger. You?"

"Uh, same thing. Duh."

I ordered our food and tipped the carhop when she brought it out. Two bacon cheeseburgers, dry, with condiments on the side. We took them home and Jefferson dressed and plated them while I wheeled the television out from its hiding place in the closet and put the DVD in. He brought our plates to the futon. He'd added an extra pickle spear to mine. Check.

I started the movie.

We laughed as he turned me over and kissed my mouth. He rubbed the bump on my head, helped me to the pillows and held my water glass as I drank. He pulled the duvet up and curled his body around mine.

When we woke the next morning it was already 10:00. We needed to leave by 12:30 and I didn't want to move. I looked at him. His eyes were open and looking at me. Our fingers were laced together under the covers. I closed my eyes and put my forehead on his arm. He shifted in bed and I heard the top drawer open and close. He rolled over my body, looking down at me, brushing my hair away from my face.

I smiled back my tears.

Please don't leave. Just stay with me. Like this.

He did. Until he couldn't.

I sat silently and watched him pack his small bag.

Amos Lee filled the silence on the drive to the airport. The noise of the restaurant took the place of casual, thanks-for-everything-see-you-soon exchanges.

We held each other outside security. My eyes leaked on his sweater.

I watched him board and followed the plane with my eyes as it taxied away from the gate. I walked to my car, alone for the first time in six days, wishing that I'd been the one leaving.

I arrived home, taking off my clothes and crawling back into bed. I was exhausted and so heavy with sadness. When I opened my eyes two hours later they fell to something in my chair.

It was thick and black, with a silver buckle.



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