Danni and I went to different schools once her parents moved out of the neighborhood. We still saw each other on the weekends, at the mall, but less and less frequently. At my junior high I was friends with the freaks and the geeks and everyone in between. At the time I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere; now I realize that I actually belonged everywhere. I was smart, pretty, athletic, played the violin and cello, did theatre, and oh, yeah- I had been arrested for trespassing at “Amityville” last summer. That did a lot for my acceptance with the freaks.
When I hung with the freaks, it was either across the street from school, where we’d sit on the corner and smoke cigarettes (I pretended), or at Aaron’s house. Aaron was in ninth grade and had a blond Mohawk which he froze into spikes with toothpaste. No shit. Once I licked my finger, touched it to his 'hawk and tasted it. Crest. His older brother had built a halfpipe in his backyard and all the skaters used it. We hung out at his parentless house in the afternoons listening to Black Flag, Suicidal Tendencies and Dead Kennedys.
In January of 1986, Aaron had a party at his house. Actually, I think it was his brother’s party, but Aaron’s friends got invited anyway. Their mom bought alcohol, and went on at least one beer run during the evening. The party was in their basement. Drunk and stoned junior high school boys eventually passed out on the couches. The high school guys faired better. Tommy Martinez was there.
I’d had a crush on him ever since he started dating Ana Leitz, my ex-boyfriend’s older sister. They were broken up now, and he was sixteen. I thought he was beautiful. he was slight, and had a sinewy build with the sexiest lips ever. Think Prince, without the facial hair. I had been flirting with him for the last six months.
It’s funny, but I don’t remember other girls being at the party. I was used to being the only girl in a group of guys, so it didn’t feel unusual to me. I laughed as one poor guy got his eyebrow shaved while he slept on the couch.
It got later, and eventually Aaron, Tommy and I were in Aaron’s room listening to music. Aaron left for some reason, and it was just Tommy and me. He kissed me. We’d kissed before, but not like that. I was shaking.
He turned off the light. My heart started to beat faster. But we were just kissing; just making out. He pressed against me and I felt his erection. I was at once sick and excited. I did not want to see or feel that penis.
But this is Tommy, I thought. He did this with Ana.
We were lying on Aaron’s bed, facing each other. He was kissing and rubbing against me. I was enjoying the kissing part, but I really wanted the lower half of his body to disappear.
His pants were off now, and I was trying to sit up. I couldn’t see anything but the outline of the window near the ceiling, where the heavy curtain didn’t cover the edges. The moon was bright outside. I wanted it inside with me. To wash over my body and take me away.
I scooted to the end of the bed and he caught my shoulders. Pushed me back and pulled my knees up towards him. My skirt was bunched up around my waist.
I felt him hard against my thigh, then on the outside of my underpants.
I wanted to call out, but who would hear me? Nobody who could get there fast enough to stop him from tearing my underwear on one side and pulling it down one leg.
He pushed into me; this hard, smooth, hot dick that I didn’t want. I could barely get the words out; I was whimpering, whispering:
“Stop. It hurts. I don’t want you to. Please stop. Please."
I kicked; tried to roll away. He pinned me down.
"You like it. You know you fucking like it."